Are you STILL putting off that conversation you know you need to have?
Be it at work with coworkers, in your social life with friends, at home with roommates or within your family, and with your significant others : difficult conversations will arise at some point or another.
Our avoidance of these types of conversations typically boils down to a fear of attack or a fear of abandonment.
Maybe you’re upset about a boundary violation or you want to reestablish the dynamic of a relationship. Perhaps you have to share some tough news, or address a concern.
Consider the following if it’s taking you a while to have that difficult but totally necessary conversation:
- What might be causing your resistance? Where does this anxiety stem from?
- Is there a need to be perfect?
- Is it intolerable to disappoint? To be seen in a potentially negative light?
- Are you terrified of losing connection?
- Consider the context.
- Does it remind you of similar feelings that came up in different settings, with different people, at other times in your life?
- Maybe you are predicting poor outcomes based on previous experience. Can you remember that that was then and this is now?
- You’ve done hard things before
Once you’re ready to move forward:
- Be gentle with yourself
- Schedule the conversation
- Check in with yourself
- Get mindful
- Be intentional
- Say what you mean
- Mean what you say
- Don’t say it meanly
- If you find your heartbeat racing, your emotional mind taking over, try a S.T.O.P.
- Stop (pause), Take a breath, Observe (what is coming up for you? where do you feel it in your body?), Proceed with the conversation.
- Reward yourself afterward for doing something that took courage and emotional energy ⭐️
Follow along for much more to come on learning to set healthier boundaries in your 20s and 30s and how we can take care of ourselves and move forward when we find ourselves feeling taken advantage of.
Online and In-Person Psychotherapy for Young, Anxious and Ambitious NYC Professionals 